Any tips and advice for being assertive?

danniellordarda

danniellordarda Level 1

August 27, 2017, 1:29 pm

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In today's time where competency is no longer a luxury, can anyone tell me, how you folks are being assertive?

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Destiny00

Destiny00

I am very non-contfrontational, so I often adapt to others to avoid an argument. This is not always appropriate, though, especially at the workplace.

When I need to be assertive, I try to imagine someone that I see as powerful and use their power. It's kind of like playing a character, which makes facing opposition a bit less scary. I might channel Lara Croft or Katniss Everdeen - some bad-@$$ female that takes care of business! Make eye contact, be confident, and make sure you're prepared for resistance and your arguments are ready.

9 years ago

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AlexJPro

AlexJPro

I have done a lot of research on this and the best tips I can give you are the following:

-Always be talktive and don't be afraid to ask something.
-Be open to everyone, don't be closed in yourself.
-Don't hide stuff, this may sound weird but it's proven to reduce confidence.

9 years ago

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Carmilina

Carmilina

Thank you for this. I always tend to be very secretive and not telling my mom my problems. Because I don't want her to get worried about me.

9 years ago

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sarsino

sarsino

Thank you for posting this. Most of the time i'm a shy type of person. I can't stand a small talk. I noticed that through time this kind of attitude doesn't lead me anywhere. I must learn on how to speak up and fight for my right.

9 years ago

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gelotologist

gelotologist

This is probably the best tips you can get either here or on the internet. And also, what would I do is I will also talk more then probably stay calm and also I will try to communicate as honestly as I can get.

9 years ago

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mildredtabitha

mildredtabitha

This points are very helpful. I think finding the best person to talk to is also good because most people are not good listeners. I would rather not talk to someone who will end up judging me because the damage will be more than when I kept quiet.

9 years ago

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augusta

augusta

To be assertive,you need to believe in your self.Have self confidence that you can do everything possible.You gain nothing from being timid,dull or downcast.Always pull the bull nby the horn.Go for what you want and don't back to check if the next person is smiling or frowning.

9 years ago

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fulstaf

fulstaf

Being assertive is really about performance and the level of expertise, I can be completely assertive when I know what I'm talking about, when I'm not, I prefer to be honest and to be honest and say "I don't know, tell me what to do" is one of the strongest characters could one have.

9 years ago

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saygorem

saygorem

Being assertive means you have the confidence to stand up for your opinions and still respects other opiniins as well. Be mindful of others opinion dont force ourselves to others opinion. This also lessens our stress in everything.

9 years ago

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DarthHazard

DarthHazard

What you said is 100% correct. If you are confident then you are assertive. Make sure to stand up for your opinions and believe in what you think is right. It's important that you are not a sheep that will follow other people or just think a certain thing because other people think. Of course, you have to make sure that you do not hurt other peoples feelings because you disagree with them.

9 years ago

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plasmablutte12

plasmablutte12

Most people don't like assertive people, because they think, they acting like a boss, but not quite true at all. Though, most company looking this type people. Showing how confident you are, makes people trust you, especially the one will hire you. This is the best way to show someone what capable in job, so the employer will not hesitate to take, and hire you. It is required, in every job you apply, most especially, it's the secondary requisite you carry everywhere.
I have doubt once, when I apply to a certain job, when the employer asked me, if I have confidence to take it, I said I am not. Then the employer told me that, I am not qualified, because the lack of confidence that I have.

9 years ago

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lerryrian

lerryrian

Being assertive means being able to stand up for your own or other people’s rights in a calm and positive way, without being either aggressive, or passively accepting ‘wrong’.Although everyone acts in passive and aggressive ways from time to time, such ways of responding often result from a lack of self-confidence and are, therefore, inappropriate ways of interacting with others.You must have a self confidence to boost your self esteem,to earn more people respect.this can help you to a stress management,if you try to take many responsibility because you have a hard time to say no.

9 years ago

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JoyC

JoyC

Being assertive is something that I have always struggled with as I was raised with a meek mother in a Christian home. As an adult, I got in the habit of letting people take advantage of me, so I had to get out of that cycle. I now take a deep breath before I speak and calmly say what needs to be said. I have to remember that speaking to someone angrily or rudely is being aggressive and just feeds into dragging me back down. I also held my feelings in because I did not want to rub others the wrong way. It didn't take me long to realize that this was physically and mentally detrimental to me and I needed to find a way to effectively communicate with others. This is when I decided that talking things out and being assertive was the best solution for everyone involved. If I find myself biting my lip in a conversation, then I know it is time to take a deep breath and politely say what I am feeling without being sarcastic or facetious.

9 years ago

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mildredtabitha

mildredtabitha

I have also experienced the same. I always don't like arguments or getting to bad terms with people because it always gives me headache. But then I realized that not everyone has a heart like yours and that you should treat people the way they treat you if you want them to stop hurting you.

9 years ago

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galegatling

galegatling

Although it is completely true that competitiveness is not a luxury anymore, you can still use that to take advantage of the possibilities specially on the opportunities that gets on your way. In times like that, you should always have an open mind and a bigger sense of humor. That is what I always do. I always try to be neutral about everything and think about them all as the same.

9 years ago

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danniellordarda

danniellordarda

I appreciate you all for giving a response to this inquiry. The reason I asked the question is because I took a personality test, and the results were surprisingly accurate. I find myself too turbulent and it really surprised me that it was a part of the test result.

9 years ago

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Authord

Authord

well, assertive people, on the other hand, tend to seek out and create win-win scenarios. Assertive people understand the value of making their desires and beliefs known, but their pride isn’t damaged if their solution isn’t the one that comes out on top. Confident and assured, these people approach situations with a healthy dose of objectivity, and as a result, are able to communicate clearly and work through challenges in a low-stress, no-drama, and self-honoring way.

9 years ago

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Barida

Barida

I do not think that there are any much tips I can offer than to tell you to always be confident in what you do, act or say. never let people ride you anyhow no matter who the person is. Stand for what you feel is right and always act upon it.

Whenever you have new ideas to bring to the table, always say it not minding how the other person will feel about it. I was once in that position till I began to work on my confidence and how I speak out when I feel everything is not going right.

9 years ago

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zheh

zheh

To be assertive you have to make sure you believe in yourself that you are right and you should have confidence. You should be firm about your decision and what you are fighting for. You should know for yourself that you are right and you know how to reason out. That whatever other people say, you will stick on what you believe.

9 years ago

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ryyde

ryyde

Being confident is not easy for most individual and it has a huge implication for a person's state in the community. I guess being true to yourself is one key to be assertive. Just be who you are and don't imitate other virtues in able to gain attention and compliments. Also be cautious for the actions you commit because it may also affect the image you had in your community.

9 years ago

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overcast

overcast

I think there are some workshops which you can attend for being assertive. And this does not happen overnight. You have to work on the part where you can take the decisions without having to be negative. A lot of what you do with the part of being assertive. You have to do it. Unless you do and try out how that works, you can't really understand how that helps. So it all depends on our own actions too.

9 years ago

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PedroP

PedroP

As with most things in life, it's all about practice. Some people like me are assertive by nature because their upbringing made them like that. For the others who have a hard time putting your foot down, you need to make an effort and start to impose your space. It's terrifying at first but the more you do it the easier it'll get.

9 years ago

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BelindaMT

BelindaMT

I admit I am assertive in some way maybe that's why I become one of the boss in the office. I have this assertive style in management, So my friendly advice is, you have to set your own goals and probably a principles in life because this will be your motivation to be firm in what you believed.

9 years ago

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tophew

tophew

Being assertive in a good way is okay if you know about what you are standing for be assertive but if you think your not good enough with that particular thing be humble because to much assertive can lead to arrogant if not taken care off so you need to balance everything to maintain your good attitude until you become successful.

9 years ago

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poingan77

poingan77

I've always been the opposite meaning of assertive and reading all of your opinion I think I should be too. Coz sometimes kindess is taken for weakness and I dont like that. People tend to abuse it sometimes. Thats why I should also start try being assertive at somepoint.

9 years ago

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justin223

justin223

To be assertive means you have to be confident in everything you do and you said. You must have confidence to stand up for your opinions and you must respect others opinion as well.

I must admit I am assertive sometimes. So I become one of the good leader in our school.

9 years ago

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billdk24

billdk24

I have a shy / passive personality type , but what helped me in being assertive is by putting myself in a situation where there is no choice but to be assertive. an example I could give is when applying or trying something that is out of your comfort zone you need to "do or go" to that place for you to have no choice but to do it.

that helped me to slowly gain my innner assertiveness although I'm still not always assertive , but when the situation needs it I just remind myself of that on time that I was assertive , then I will be able to do it again.

Summary on tips to be assertive:
- get out of your comfort zone
- put yourself in the inevitable situation
- have the courage and faith in yourself

9 years ago

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grs2017

grs2017

To be assertive you will need to be self-confident, it also helps to be knowledgeable in your field or the subject matter. Control of one's emotion is also necessary , so you don't act out of turn. An assertive person always thinks before they speak so that they only say exactly what they wanted to. Speak up when it's necessary but always be respectful.

9 years ago

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marbertism

marbertism

To be assertive you need two things:

(1) Be yourself. This will sprout self-confidence. Know the real you. Know your strength and acknowledge your weaknesses.

(2) Know what you really are doing. Learn everything in what you are doing. Know the politics there are. Converse with people you are working with. Know the system and the people.

By doing these two things, you will eventually earn some respect from your coworkers and being a man of respect, being assertive will then be easy with you.

9 years ago

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Xyruz13

Xyruz13

If you have a strong belief in something and you think that you're not stepping on anyone's foot and not hurting anybody, then be bold in your beliefs. Don't be afraid to speak up and fight for it. Those who are aggressive and have strong will are usually the ones that succeed in life.

9 years ago

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felabruno

felabruno

I try to adapt and I don't like conflicts but I have no problems with saying what I want. I think you should start with small steps and don't let anyone walk all over you. You can try to be more social, talk to people more (it can even be on the internet) so you will feel more comfortable with stating your opinions.

9 years ago

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vicsylicious

vicsylicious

guys, being assertive does not make positive consequences at all times. If you don't want to look like a bully and you just want to have a better chance of getting what you deserve, follow this. Gain enough confidence while conveying your message. Be always fluent and sincere about what you say, try to be cooperative as well. Don't forget to keep your respect for others and try not to be sarcastic and you'll be good enough especially to your colleagues. That's it.

9 years ago

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evash

evash

Gain as much knowledge as you can. Think outside the box and do a lot of research in projects that you want to start or engage your self in. That offers an added advantage over your competitors in the field. Similarly, it gives you a platform of creating new things as you will definitely have fresher ideas and a new approach.

9 years ago

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Nikko25

Nikko25

As long as you know that you are in the right, then be confident and assert yourself. Be it in your everyday life or in your work place, you have to speak up for yourself if you want to get something done properly or if you want to be treated fairly. Keeping things peaceful and cordial is nice but it should not be at the expense of you or your group's performance as well as your convenience.It's not just worth it. Besides, there are ways for you to firmly assert yourself while being gentle and polite. Being assertive does not necessarily mean that you have to be confrontational. That is unless, they are really asking for it

9 years ago

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KhalilaRose

KhalilaRose

I'm naturally a pretty passive person, but somehow I ended up finding a job in retail sales complete. Needless to say, passiveness never sold anything, so I had to learn fast. What I found helpful was developing a mask of sorts, almost a separate personality that you can put on when you need to.

It's also important to note that assertiveness does not mean aggressiveness nor does it mean pushing others down so you can get ahead. If you have something to say or if you feel like you're not being heard, find a way to express yourself in a well-formed thought. I find that the more thoughtful you come across, the more likely people will be to listen to you in the future so you may not have to force yourself to be heard anymore.

9 years ago

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AmieBotella

AmieBotella

When you are generally not an emphatic person like me, I find it useful to look confident physically at first. Examine yourself, your posture and the way you stand and look. Face a mirror and talk to yourself. Try to be a mentor of your self. It is important that while doing this, you shouldn't be hard on yourself. Instead, do this by building yourself on a positive note. When you developed your physical aspect, now move on to the next part which is equipping your personality by acquiring knowledge in your field. It doesn't have to be an academic learning per se, but general knowledge to help you with your expertise. Read a lot, read the news, know your surroundings and be sensitive of others. Try not to always push yourself in a conversation but be a general conversationalist. When in an argument, detach your emotions from it so that you can express yourself and your opinion more clearly and more accurately. Remember that most if not all of the people in an argument will only mirror how you treat them. So when you can keep calm while arguing this often results on a positive side and you get a positive feedback. It is also essential to know that being assertive and confident does not equate to being confrontational and antagonistic in nature. The key to being assertive is positive belief in oneself.

9 years ago

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FreshIce

FreshIce

In order to be assertive just do what you are suppose to do. Don't do anything extra and just get thing done so people will start off respecting you, they might think you're a hard ass but, you can show them you are not by just doing your work and not bothering others. When you have to be assertive to someone be assertive, at first be polite and formal and tell them to please get the work done in a non-happy voice, end it with thanks. If that does not let the person do what they are told tell them again, always stay talking formally, and say you need to get this done. If people don't take you seriously show them what you're made of by raising your voice and being that hard ass you didn't wanna be, show them your not gonna back down and you can look death in the eyes without flinching. Eye contact also helps.

9 years ago

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Judas2018

Judas2018

I think whether it be at work or at school, the minute someone tries to push you around or abuse you, you have to make an example of them. In a non violent fashion of course, but certainly put them in their place. Lets them know you aren't going to stand for it, and also lets others know you aren't going to take it. At the same time though, you have to know when and where to pick your battles. Also recognize the difference between when someone is trying to take advantage, and when they're just being stern.

9 years ago

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DanoCath

DanoCath

Being assertive is something anyone can possess. It's just a matter of loving ourselves, for if we love ourself there's no way we would let anyone abuse or take advantage of us. Being confident or assertive is all up to us and will always depend on how much we value ourselves.

9 years ago

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jaymish

jaymish

I think being assertive, has to do with the believe that we are all equal, we are all human and everybody deserves the best. Once you understand that no one, is more superior to you , we all have the same basic needs, we all die at some point, then you will not hesitate to be assertive. I think what you mean is that you are not confident, you are shy. Shyness has a lot to do with thinking that some people are better , than you and know better than you. Once you dispel that myth you will gain confidence and be as assertive as you need to be. I would recommend you read ''Pulling Your Own Strings'' by the late Dr Wayne Dyer.

9 years ago

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sephzer

sephzer

Be confident. You know exactly what you are doing. Do what you believe. Don't be entangled by your surroundings. Just give your best shot.

9 years ago

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pandooh

pandooh

Well if you have what it takes, why not? You are you. That's a good thing though. Not all do have the guts to express yourself. Be a motivator to them.

9 years ago

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saygorem

saygorem

Be confident in your abilities. Respect their opinions while givjng your opinion too. Voice out your concern but make sure not to offend other people's wants and opinions.

9 years ago

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jaymish

jaymish

As much as we all think being assertive is a matter of just turning on an action, sometimes it's not. One thing I have learned is that life is a great teacher. You can't speak assertiveness into yourself. There are certain experiences you have to go through in life that make you realize, that no one is greater than you, we are all equal and human. Ever heard the saying, look at the moon and the sun? They all have their individual shine?

Sometimes your not ready to be assertive. Don't worry about it when the time is right you will be.

9 years ago

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Rmarsh1984

Rmarsh1984

I also struggle with this. I must admit that I think I have improved somewhat over the years, but it is still something I know I have not overcome. I am a stay at home mom, so the workplace is not an issue for me any longer, but it can be frustrating when attending gatherings.
I am more a fan of smaller get togethers than large groups of people because of my lack of assertiveness. In a small group, the conversation doesn't move quite as quickly and there can be more chance to insert my voice than with larger groups. I really hate to have to interrupt right at the topic change because I didn't interject eRlier while waiting for a pause. I always end up feeling I've been rude, when really it is just how group conversation works.
I do try more often than I have in the past to interject when I have something to say, but I still end up feeling like I've cut someone off. I suppose I just have to put myself out there more often until I'm more used to the group dynamic, rather than avoidance, which I've practiced for far too long. I won't progres if I don't practice.

9 years ago

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ballyhara

ballyhara

Well, one way is by being more kind and respect others. At work we can be more cooperative, and give more constructive critics. Maybe another way is by being a good listener, that will make our communication more assertive, because if we only talk and don't listen then we are not respecting the other. Another tip is to be more confident in ourselves, usually this is what we are lacking of. Finally I would say, avoid violent communication and stop blaming others, and try to check ourselves.

9 years ago

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anjanetteclyde1

anjanetteclyde1

I sometimes consider myself as a very assertive person. If I have an idea of anything, I immediately tell the group I am in and make sure that I am heard of. That is what I usually I do. And, if my idea/s are rejected or not that really helpful, I will accept the fact then. However, I will still seek answer/s as to why my idea/s are not helpful or the solution. That is how assertive I am though I always experience the very disadvantage of it. I get easily to a very heated debate or a very intense discussion just because of my ideas. Because of that, I now tend to take everything slowly; giving out my ideas, venting out opinions and engaging to a calm discussions. Right now, I really try my very best to have a very decent discussion with a group and try not start off a very intense situation. Any tips and advice for being assertive?

Any tips and advice for being assertive?

9 years ago

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Kakashi2020

Kakashi2020

Yep. You should learn to speak with confidence and command. Also practice focussing on benefits and be prepared by devising solutions to weaknesses.

9 years ago

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stbrians

stbrians

Never ever show your weaknesses. This can be done if you know what you are doing. You are honest and not cheating in any way. Have confidence and know exactly what you want and how you want it.

8 years ago

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cmoneyspinner

cmoneyspinner

Well, I've noticed that there are many people online who are combative, confrontational and just love controversy. They can go on and on and on about a topic. Spitting out complete garbage from start to finish. Kind of like the professional wrestlers who trash talk.

So I thought to myself: Maybe if I could be half that energetic as those people in expressing myself, speak out and try my best not to produce garbage, that's being assertive enough. That's my working theory anyway. LOL.

8 years ago

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